Are you despising your singleness ? If you are single and in your twenties, you have heard it before; you know all the things people say to singles. Like, why aren’t you married yet? What’s wrong with you? It seems that the older we get, the barrage of questions keep on coming more often.
There have been days when I was asked these questions at least ten times. They say things like, “You know the Bible says that it’s not good for man to be alone” and “it’s better to marry than burn with passion.” Now I am sure these people mean well, but trying to constantly explain why I am single is exhausting, not to mention a little belittling. The not so subtle inquires always imply that somehow you are different and in need of fixing if you’re single. After a while, I began to despise my singleness, until the Lord convicted me. He showed me the same biblical passages, but this time, I began to see what I never saw before.
The first one is in Genesis 2:18 and it says: Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” This passage does say that God will make a helper/wife for man. However, this is at a time when Adam is alone. He has no family or friends or other humans to interact with. While it obviously talks about Adam having a wife we have to consider that God makes the broader point, namely that it is not good for Adam to not have a wife, family, friends, or acquaintances and so on.
While this passage can be used to support marriage, it’s not limited to marriage. Otherwise, people who are single are outside of God’s design and intention for “man not to be alone.” Considering that Jesus and Paul were both single, I don’t think that anyone can make the case that they were outside of God’s will just because they were single. Furthermore, there have been millions of single people who lived Godly lives and followed His will (See Matthew 19:11-12.)
The second passage is 1 Corinthians 7:9, where it says, “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” This passage cannot be pulled out of context because the verses before say that, “Now as a concession, not a command, I say this, I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.” 1 Corinthians 7:6-8. I think this passage is self-explanatory.
Now I want to mention here that marriage is a beautiful union of two souls. After all where else do we see two complete strangers joining together, and pledging their unconditional love to each other until death. I have seen my mom and dad live their lives together devoted to one another until my dad passed away. The last two years of his life were extremely difficult, but my mom loved him and cared for him until the end. Of course, there is also the possibility that we can have our hearts broken in marriage, but then again any love makes us vulnerable. C. S. Lewis says in his book, The Four Loves, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
That’s why I look forward to marriage. If it happens this year, in the next five years, or before I die. However, right now I am in a season of singleness in my life, and I refuse to feel miserable, complain or act desperate to get married. I refuse to be pressured into getting married to someone just to please other people. After all, the, worse than being single is to be in a bad marriage. Of course, marriage is what you make it, and in itself is not the problem, but it becomes a problem when it is done for the wrong reasons. That’s why we should never get married because we are pressured into it or made to feel less of a person without it.
So if you are single…
Be content with who you are, and which season of life you are in. Your singleness is a great season where you can pursue God and build the foundation for your future.
Deal with sin and brokenness. Allow God to convict you, help you repent, heal, and restore you.
Spend time in prayer and devotion. Listen to podcasted sermons on theology, marriage, and life in general.
Stay healthy by eating right, sleeping enough, and going to the gym. If you are too busy to do it now you will get sick or injured and will be forced to do it.
Be responsible with your finances and stay away from debt like the plague. It is unfair to a future spouse to pay your debts. Miss-using money is also a leading cause why marriages fall apart. If you are reckless with your finances, you are complicating your future marriage before it starts.
Find what your passion in life is. God gave you a toolbox of talents so use them to glorify Him and help people you encounter.
Study everything you are passionate about. Read a lot of books, finish your degrees and commit to being a lifelong learner.
Find a ministry and start serving there, faithfully. Take every promise you make seriously and go above and beyond what is asked of you. Serve as you are doing it onto Jesus.
Go on road trips and travel as much as you can; it will open your eyes to the way other people live and help you to become more caring, loving, and compassionate towards others.
If you are married and know someone who is single…
Remember that you were once single too, and how you felt when people kept on pressuring you to get married or suggested people you should romantically get involved with.
Stop asking when we are going to get married. But instead give us Godly wisdom and insight on singleness, marriage, and following God.
Stop using the Bible out of context and allow us to make our choices, even if we choose to be single for the rest of our lives in order that we might fully dedicate our lives to serving God.
Stop trying to arrange our marriage with your niece, cousin, second cousin, coworker, neighbor, or another single person you know. You had your time to choose, let us have ours. We are pretty smart on figuring out whom we like and whom we are romantically attracted to.
What we do need help with, is figuring out if the person whom we have chosen is a Godly person. If you can provide some Godly wisdom and insight in that area we might be too blind to accept it at the moment, but if it’s true, then it will eventually penetrate to our hearts, and we will appreciate you and your advice.